Thursday, 14 August 2008

The evidence mounts

A day much like any other day. Birds sing in the trees, lambs gently bleat in the paddock outside unaware of the fate that will befall them in the not too distant future, chickens peck at the door of the coup waiting to be let out. An alarm clock sounds: rousing one innocent and harmless boy from his dreams of things probably best left unmentioned.

Walking to the kitchen he has a bowl of cereal and puts the kettle on the stove to boil. As the cereal bowl empties and the water approaches boilding point 2 creatures watch from the shadows - calculating the precise moment to strike a deadly blow. Unaware of the horror that watches from the shadows our hero decides that some toast and a cup of tea might be a nice thing. In the shadows an ancient and cunning evil stirs.....the moment approaches.....

Walking to the fridge he savours the the feel of the packaging on the recently bought bread before reaching for the milk and turning round to pour hot water in the waiting mug. Seconds tick by. Milk is poured and returned then returned to the open fridge.......

Wakefulness knocks at the door of the morning routine and says: didn't you put the bread in the fridge? A blurred memory of last night suggests that yes - this is in fact correct. So where precisely, wakefulness asks, is the bread?

Looking again the fridge is suspiciously empty.

I turn to the shadows. They are also suspiciously empty.

Realisation dawns. I utter the words: oh you bastards.

I find my flip-flops and heedless of the lack of clothing I currently employ run from the house. In the furthest corners of the garden, around the side of the barn I find 2 dogs - one of whom has my loaf of bread in his mouth. At least - he has half a mangled loaf of bread that I assume is most likely mine, unless he's suddenly learnt to bake overnight. Unlikely given the lack of opposable thumbs.

I tell said dog exactly what I think and put together this poster so that no others will fall into the same trap I have: